REACH. It’s almost here

Reach is upon us!

The day we have all waited so patiently for.

I know it has been a while since my last update, I was being followed *shifty eyes*.

My next post was supposed to be me revealing the diamonds I found in my xbox. After the video was made shady characters began following me smelling a lot like manly people who bathe in Old Spice… Therefore I have been reluctant to post it. It will be made public tonight while they are distracted with the Launch of REACH.

Speaking of which!

Join me later for an unboxing and the my revelation upon opening my Box of X. As well as the video of my diamond search!

Stay Tuned Spartans,

XBOX Update and diamonds

It has been over a month. It happens :P. BUT Progress will soon be made and then I’ll be back up to my shenanigans! A great thing about attending an engineering school is you make good (and useful) friends. My friend, E-Thug “Stealer of internets”, happens to be extremely good at soldering. She is willing to help me reflow my Xbox.

This is great for a few reasons:
A) I save $100
B)Once the case is off I might as well case mod it 😛

Maybe I'll be this cool 😉

C) to get at the DIAMONDS INSIDE THE 360! If you were unaware of the diamonds inside of an Xbox it was a secret plot between Microsoft and Isaiah Mustafa to hide their stolen goods. But Fred, you may say, why would MS and Mr. Smell good handsome guy want to steal diamonds, and WHY would they hide them in your xbox?! Oh there is a good reason, but more importantly it is not just my xbox it is ALL RROD XBOX’s. Hold on I’ll explain

You see each and every Red Ringed xbox was a holding spot for stolen diamonds. These Xbox’s had a fuse that would be lit as soon as the Serial Numbers on each of the diamonds is removed from InterPol’s watch list. Once this occurs the fuse interferes with the normal cooling system causing the GPU or CPU to overheat. This of course makes the system go HOLY SHIT OMG GO TO DEFCON 62! and then red lights of sadness. This is why Microsoft extended the warranty on Red Ringed Consoles, the original estimation for removal from Interpol’s watch list was < year.

Well if there are diamonds why has no one else reported them?

Microsoft can bribe you stupid. Would most people do better with cash or stolen diamonds that they have no idea how to sell? I rest my case

But why Isaiah Mustafa?

You see Isaiah has been running low on diamonds to supply his magic organ that allows him to turn other objects (such as tickets) into diamonds!, therefore when he got wind of Microsoft’s Master (plan)  Concealed Heist Initiative with Effortless Force (Read: Master C.H.I.E.F.)  Between Microsoft’s plan and Isaiah’s ability to bleed charisma like water, they were able to sneak into diamond mines around the world and smuggle them out in tiny old spice body wash tubes (which by the way did wonders for Old Spice’s ads targeting the world’s population of miners and tunnel workers).

It's all true. They've even Branded Him!

Make sense? Good.

Back to my Xbox. Work will begin soon on the new case, and I will reveal here the enormous amounts of diamonds that I have found in my console (most likely from my new mountain based beach house in Malibu).

Thank you for reading,